I too have mulled over the thoughts of killing someo- err... "Defending Myself Effectively in a Combat Situation"...
Physical Condition:
I weigh in at about 220-230 lbs. I'm working out though, mostly cardio-vascular type exercises but I also incorporate push-ups and other body weight only exercises into my regiment. I don't know how much I can bench. Not in the best physical shape of my life. However, I don't have any crippling diseases(Aids, Cancer, Stupidity, etc.) Despite my weight I'm not morbidly obese and I do have broad shoulders. I'm average height for my age. I've never broken anything in my life but I have permanently "dented" various limbs. I can take quite a beating and I heal quickly. I am quick in short bursts and in movement. I can, to the surprise of some, run for quite a long time at an efficient speed. I'm also good at climbing things.
Combat Knowledge:
I've never been in a fight, really, despite being in situations where giving someone a good knock on the head was justified. I'm extremely level headed and I keep my cool in situations where I'm being provoked -- Which is why I've never been in a fight. However, I wrestle a lot with brothers and cousins and dads and the like. More than once my uncle or dad has had to stop me and my cousin from wrestling because they are worried I'm gonna hurt him(He's a bit taller and about the same weight as me, but he's physically in better shape, muscle wise) I have more than once proved my competence and ability to throw my weight around. I know how to get the perfect "four-seconds-and-you-are-out" sleeper hold. I also know MANY ways to break MANY bones and MANY ways to slip out of or counter natural holds/grabs(Like someone comes up to you and grabs your shirt). I'm not good at stand-up; I like to take my battles to the ground. I feel I have more control when I can twist in such a way as to simultaneously dislocate and snap your arm in half. All and all, I'm not one to get myself into a fight unless I had absolutely no choice, and if I did I would at least break a few of the assailant's bones before I went down. I know how to fight.
The Situations:
1. I'm lying in my bed half awake, I hear heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Boots, probably cowboy style as they sound heavy in the heal but light in the toe. I ready my blade. The stranger walks through my doorway. Through my eyelids, I can sense a disturbance in the light. He silently creeps over to my bedside. He's probably there to rape me. As his hand reaches down to tousle my hair I grab him by the wrist, twisting it so his elbow is exposed to my free hand. He, surprised by how quick and graceful I am, is caught off guard. I ram the palm of my other free hand into the elbow of his fully extended arm. He, to counter my attack, walks in the direction I'm pushing(a sort of semi-circular direction), causing him to tumble halfway over my bed's footboard(I sleep with my head on that end). I then proceed to pull down his pants and spank him on his bare buttocks. This surprises, confuses, and excites him all at the same time. After a bit of this, I grab the nearest phallic object on the ground and begin to violently sodomize him. When were done we both awkwardly smoke a cigarette and he gives me his phone number but I never call him and we never see each other again.
2. I'm lying in bed, half awake, when I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Boots, probably cowboy style as they sound heavy in the heel but light in the toe. I feel his essence as he approaches my bed. As I was caught in the act of masturbation I have a full erection. I use this to my advantage as I leap out of my bed screaming like a madman, shouting racial obscenities at him. I'm completely naked, because thats just the way I like to sleep. This, coupled with my massive erection, frightens him. I extend my arms perpendicular to my body to make myself appear larger. I use loud sounds and grunts to frighten and confuse him. Once I see an opening I run straight at him, head down, arms still spread out, and I ram him right in the sternum with the hard part of my forehead. The air knocked out of him, he tumbles backwards and lands on the ground with such a commotion that it shakes the house. I follow, head still shoved into his chest. I shove my erect penis into his face and start screaming more racial slurrs at him. He summarily has a heart attack, a brain hemorrhage, and a seizure at the same time. The smell of feces and urine begins to fill the room. I walk out the doorway with a cigarette in my mouth, striking a match on my chest and lighting it. I then toss the match over my shoulder and it lights the gasoline and the house explodes. As I walk down the street, in my badass drifter clothes, I begin to hail to other cars. I hitchhike across the world, killing people. People begin referring to me as El Diablo, or "The Crazy Naked Fighter".
3. I'm at the QT, just trying to buy some gas for my horse when a couple of straight-up gangster baller O.G.'s start giving me a hard time. I'm like "Hey there pardner, I don't want any trouble". The leader of the troop, decked out in sweet black and red chainmail armor, looks me in the eye. A look of surprise comes over his face, which turns to anger. He says to his lackeys "He is the chosen one, eliminate him." They all pull out their tec-9's and begin shooting the place up. I dive for cover and unsheathe my claymore sword. With a frightening warcry, I charge the group, dodging all their bullets and leaping right over the lackeys directly into the leader. As I come down upon him I shove my sword through his neck. The lackeys are stunned to silence. I turn to them and say "Go, and tell your leaders that I let you live but that I won't let them live if they harass me, or my people any longer". The slowly start to move and I leap at them and scream "GOOO". They leave hastily. Everyone else in the QT are in awe, when someone begins a slow clap. "El Diablo, El Diablo, El Diablo...", they begin to chant. I push down my sweet sunglasses and look at the register guy. "So, about that gas for my horse", I say to him. "Oh, here you go..." he stutters. He hands me my gas and as I walk out of the QT I strike a match on my face, my five-a-clock shadow shining in the moonlight. I light a cigarette and toss it back into the QT. The whole place explodes and I ride my horse into the sunset...
So, as you can see, I'm pretty badass and I know how to fight.
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