MORTAL COMBAT at 6:56 PM

I always wondered "How would I handle myself in a combat situation?" This is a scientific study... that I am doing in my house, since I'm bored out of my bloody mind.

Body Condition:
I am in physically good health (don't have aids, cancer, diabetes, not an amputee), I can bench about 180, so I'm not buff, but I can throw down. I can probably take someone who weighs about 150 and under even if they work out, and do 150+ if they didn't work out at all. (this is applying to males, not to females. I figure I can take out them pretty easily, cept for the body builders)

Knowledge of the Body:
Most people would call me a smart person. I know a lot of stupid stuff, but with that stupid stuff, I know a lot about stupid kung fu stuff. So if I was attacked, I know that if you shove your thumb in someones eye hard enough, they die. I know were vital organs are, and I know that if you crush a ribcage, it can puncture the lungs. I've seen a lot of mafia movies.

Fighting Experience:
I've only been in like 4 fights, and they were in grade school. I'm not a good fighter... in any respect. I know how to punch someone without breaking my thumb, and I know how to choke someone properly.

Nerves:
I don't get nervous easily, I don't get scared easily. I am able to keep my cool under most situations, especially in things that most people would poop their pants in.

Endurance:
I can take a beating, I'll leave it at that. Then again, I can't handle huge hits to the face.


Situations:
1. I am sleeping, a 30 year old male breaks into my house. I hear the glass shatter, and get prepared for a conflict. He walks into my room, I hide behind my door. As he steps past me, I grab him from behind. I can see him perfectly, for I have epic nightvision. I wrap my hands around his neck, and he slowly falls to the floor (I know how to do a sleeper hold). I walk away unscathed.

2. I am sleeping, a 30 year old male breaks into my house, only this time, I don't hear him. As he walks into my room, I wake up. Screaming bloody murder, I kick him in the stomach and groin as I propel myself from my bed. I tackle him to the floor, still screaming (this confuses him greatly) and I perform a killing blow to his groin. After about 10 more groin shots, he says "dude, stop" and leaves, never able to have children again.

3. I walk into a bar, two men look at me with eyes of hate. I go to the bar, order a whiskey. He asks what bottle, I say let me see your black label. Holding it in my hands, I notice the two men at the bar start to walk towards me, saying rude things. I prepare for the conflict in my mind. As one puts his arm on my shoulder, I smash the bottle over his head, and then gut the other with the remains. I run out of the bar screaming.

4. (by far the best scenario) I am at school. A thug kid who has been getting on my nerves walks up to me. I stay seated, staring straight forward as he harasses me. I notice the teacher is out of the room, probably doing heroine in the hall. My supplies are: Stapler, Pencil, Peace of Paper. He moves to the side of me, still yelling at my ear. With lightning fast reflexes, I grab my pencil, and shove it into the front of his throat. Then, immediately grab my paper, wrinkling it and shoving it into his open mouth. For the cou de grace, I swing the open stapler into the thugs temple. The thug on the floor, having multiple hemmorages and seizures all at once. I leave the room, and as I walk out, I somehow have a trench coat on. Oh, and I drop a pistol on the ground, showing my classmates I didn't have to use it.