Some Stuff Happened...

A lot of things happened happened these past few weeks, more specifically, stuff. For one thing, I now have dual citizenship with the United States and the micronation "The Aerican Empire". How this came to be I don't quite recall, but I'm pretty sure it involved nudity and gummy worms. Also, I have officially signed away my summer to thirty days of geometry! Woah Nelly! This is gonna be a heck of a summer, Cletus. Oh, you didn't get the memo? I'm now address everyone as Cletus. You see, there is this part of my brain that hasn't fully developed yet. Its the part where information pertaining to names and ages is stored. Let me direct you to this chart showing the different parts of the brain and what they do...



So as you can see, the names and ages part of the brain is a bit of a trouble area for me...

Anyways, Fetus, a lot of other stuff happened as well. For one thing I bought GTA4. The game is amazing. My favorite thing to do is to go to the hospital and kill everyone in the lobby room, execution style. Then I sit and wait for the law enforcement to arrive. I use the automatic doors as a choke point, getting headshots the moment they walk through the door. As the bodies pile up and my wanted level increases it gets more and more challenging. I usually die at about 4 or 5 stars and its usually because I attempted to make a run for the guns that are on the ground. But boy, there is nothing like simulated mass murder to relieve that sexual frustration. My hormones are getting all in a tizzy just thinking about it. Here is an artist's rendition of me playing GTA4...




Another thing happened. I fell in love with flash, which is what I used to create those images your eyes just finished sexing up. And with flash I created a masterpiece. A series of pictures so beautiful, that if they were small stars, your eyes would go blind looking at them, just like small stars tend to do to the human eye. I posted these images on another masterpiece. A forum that is so amazing, that if it were a star and you looked at it, you would go blind. And what is written on this forum is so beautiful that if it were, like, a huge big 'ol red star, if you looked at it, you would totally go blind. All this and more can be found here.

There is also an event going on, that I would like YOU, Yes YOU, to participate in. Firstly, you need to join the forum I just directed you to. Nextly, you need to go here.

and lastly but not leastly, you need to think of a sweet story idea and post it, fool!

GO GO POWERANGERS!

Indiana Jones

Another night at the movies. Popcorn in one hand, an ice cold (flat) Coke in the other. I was going to do it. I was going to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Was I in for a thrillride? A faithful Classic? Or perhaps a bomb? Yeah.

You remember Han Solo right? I think he played Harrison Ford in Blade Runner. Anyways, so Han Solo is in the jungle for some weird reason, far away from the deathstar, so I guess this must be another prequel. Anyways, this Indiana Jones had no little asian children in it, so I already lost interest. Also, the story is, get this, based around ALIENS!!! what the fuck is that? Aliens? I know Spielberg made this, so like maybe he was just like "lets slip in some E.T." and Lucas is too fat to know the difference. BOOSH (frisky dingo reference). A good thing is the fact Shy labuffanuff is in it. That kid from Even Stevens. Yeah I watch Disney channel, you got a problem with that? I've gotten in many a fights because of Even Stevens, but its worth it. Gotta fight for your right to party.

Real review: The movie itself was "fun". This means exactly what I just said, fun, not good. One thing I loved about the previous Indiana movies is the fact that the special effects were over the top. Like a boulder chasing Indy in the cave, or ripping a beating heart out. This movie on the other hand, has actually good special effects. Blech. Also, only 1 snake joke. What the fuck??SNAKES MAN!! they should be all over the place. I want the opening scene to be snakes. I think the title should be Indiana Jones and snakes. God dammit. The story was bland, and needed some work. Basically, Aliens. Thats it. Blanchett was awesome though, she played a russian chick (the bad guy of course). Russians are always bad guys. Some of the characters from the old movies come back in this one, which is nice. unfortunately, Like most old people, they are crusty. So yeah, it's a fun movie and has one of the coolest carchase scenes ever. Whatever.

So rating: 2/5 stars. Seeing as average is 2.5/5 is average.

The Long Wait

Many of our readers (2 people) are pissed at us. We don't update. Ever.
Yup. GET READY!

The Darjeeling Limited

I just saw the Darjeeling Limited and I [strike]CRIED[/strike] LAUGHED. It was awesome. What's even more awesome, however, is how I watched it. On my TV connected to my Xbox 360 which is connected to my computer through a GLORIOUS wireless adapter. Its pretty sweet. You have no Idea what this means porn wise. It'll speed up production time by two fold! Oh yeah, didn't I tell you? I run a private sperm bank out of my garage. Haven't got many recipients yet...

I think its my advertising...

Yeah, thats it...

My advertising...

The Darjeeling Limited stars Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody, and a guy who looks like other Wilson, but its not. Its some guy named Scwarzman or something or other. The funny thing is that I have the IMDB page opened in a tab just to the left of this one. That's how lazy I am.

The movie starts off with some major trickery, showing you Bill Murray in an Indian Cab trying to get to his train on time. You're probably like "Ooh, Bill Murray, I loved him in OSMOSIS JONES, I hope he'll appear in this movie as a main character and actually have more than two lines!" But you'd be sadly mistaken, Bill Murray wasn't in Osmosis Jones. In fact, that movie never existed and if you talk about it ever again I'll slip into your house at night and skin your dog alive. Do you understand me? Am I going to have to cut off another one of your fingers? Because I will. I swear to god I will.

Ahem, back to The Darjeeling Limited. The movie was great. Wes Anderson's weirdness was apparent throughout and there were several moments where I was Rolling-On-the-Floor-Laughing-My-Ass-Off-Man-It-Was-So-Hilarious-I-Couldn't-Stop-Laughing-Out-Loud-I-Cried-I -was-Laughing-So-Hard-Its-Not-Even-Right-Boy-I-Wish-I-Had-Some-Bar-Be-Que-Chicken-Right
-Now-I-Could-Also-Go-For-Some-Lemon-Lime-Soft-Drink (ROFLMAOMIWSHICSLOLICIWLSHINERBIWIHSBBQCRNICAGFSLLSD). Also, like the only other Wes Anderson movie I watched(The Life Aquatic) there were moments where it was extremely depressing. There were also moments where you just cried for no reason. It was a good movie. HOWEVER COMMA, the movie is extremely quirky. Quirky as in down syndrome quirky.

Down syndrome kids are quirky right?

Hrmm...

I'll have to google that or something...

To sum it all up, the movie was good, It was sad, It was funny, It was depressing, It was well directed, It was well acted, It was well written, It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times...

Go watch it now!

Excuses, Excuses

Sorry dear reader for the delay of postage. We just got back from a very long break of heroine. Now, back to business.